dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Green mimosas i think yes
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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