Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
