If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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