I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
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on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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