Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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