..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
