he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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