I CAN MOONWALK!
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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