Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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