i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Randomize
