I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
