It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
