Pants 0. Shit 1.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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