She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
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I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
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Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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