you're like a bully in the Christmas story
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
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I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
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Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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