Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize