also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
