Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Every concussion has its silver lining
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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