I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Randomize
