I accidentally burped into my bong.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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