maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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