did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize