I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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