My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
