it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
