I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
