and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
