Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
