You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
