DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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