Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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