i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
