i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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