I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
