She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
