Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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