i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
