So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
