Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
