Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
