Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
