I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
