I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
