the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Randomize
