i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
