Will you blow on my dice?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
