i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
