I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
