I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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