I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
