It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Don't EVER smell your tampon
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
