After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
