i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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