YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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