Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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