she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
so much tequila, so little girl.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
