the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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