I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
