Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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