it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
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