I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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