I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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