your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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