he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
