I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
