His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
