I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
