I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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