She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
