Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
